When Motherhood Feels Too Much: Words Every New Mum Needs To Hear

If you’re a new mum feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or like you barely recognise yourself some days — these are the words I want you to hear. Motherhood is one of the biggest, messiest, and most overwhelming changes a person can go through. And while yes, it can be beautiful, it can also feel impossibly hard. Especially when no one warned you it might.

You’ve read every book, tried every piece of advice, and yet something still feels off. It’s as if everyone else around you has their act together while you’re quietly struggling just to keep up. Whether it’s the endless nights of interrupted sleep, the pressure to breastfeed (or not, depending on your decision), or the weight of your own self-judgment, it’s hard to feel like you’re getting it right.

You might be feeling like a stranger in your own skin. You might not recognise the person staring back at you in the mirror anymore. The anxiety, exhaustion, and constant mental load of motherhood can leave you feeling isolated, and it’s easy to believe you’re the only one who feels this way. The reality is, you’re not. Many new mums experience postnatal anxiety and low mood or feel overwhelmed in those early months — it just isn’t something people often talk about.

If any of this resonates, please know you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel like this, even though it might not look like everyone else’s experience. The struggles, the emotions, the sense of disconnection — it doesn’t make you a bad mum. It makes you human. And this moment is just that — a moment. Things can and will shift with time, and you don’t need to have it all figured out right now.

It’s Okay to Feel Like This Isn’t What You Expected

When you first dreamed of motherhood, you probably imagined it a lot differently. The reality can feel a world apart from the expectations. Maybe your birth didn’t go as planned, or breastfeeding has been a challenge. Maybe you didn’t feel the immediate connection with your baby. Maybe the weight of responsibility feels so heavy and overwhelming right now, or you just feel anxious about everything. There’s no “ right' way to be a mum, just the way that works for you and your family.

But what if no one tells you that? What if the pressure to meet certain expectations— whether it’s from social media or well-meaning friends — makes you feel like you’re failing? This is a common feeling, and it can contribute to a sense of being lost or disconnected from your pre-baby self. It’s easy to feel like you’re not measuring up, especially when others seem to glide through their days with ease. The truth is, they’re likely struggling in their own way too — it’s just that not everyone says it out loud.

Why Sleep (and Looking After Yourself) Feels Impossible Right Now

Sleep deprivation is one of the most challenging parts of early parenthood. The sleepless nights, the constant waking, the feeling like you’ll never catch up — this takes a serious toll on both your body and your mind. The fatigue can fuel anxiety and low mood, making everything feel even harder.

And yet, despite all of this, you might feel like you’re supposed to just push through it. You might feel like you can’t talk about how exhausted and overwhelmed you really are, because it’s supposed to be 'normal', right?

But you need rest. You deserve rest. And you need to be able to express that without guilt. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and if you don’t take care of yourself, it's so much harder to take care of your baby in the way you truly want to.

Even if you don’t have all the answers right now, allowing yourself to rest, to step back, and to acknowledge your own needs is a small but powerful step toward regaining balance. Every moment of self-compassion helps.

What You Really Need Right Now Is Compassion — Not Advice

You don’t need advice that doesn’t resonate or feels like another expectation to meet. What you need is someone who will listen, someone who understands that motherhood isn’t always what you expected. Someone who sees you for who you are, not as a list of tasks to complete or a project to ‘fix’.

If you feel like you’ve been isolated from the support you need, it’s okay to seek out spaces, voices, and stories that remind you you’re not alone. Perhaps your family isn’t nearby, or you don’t feel comfortable seeking help from them. Or maybe you’ve been holding on to the belief that you should be able to handle it all on your own. But you don’t have to.

You are doing the best you can with the resources you have. If today is a struggle, that’s okay. Tomorrow might look different. And even when things feel hard, it doesn’t mean you’re failing — sometimes it just means you’re in a season of intense change and adjustment.

You Are Doing So Much Better Than You Think

It’s easy to get caught in the trap of thinking you’re not enough or that you’re somehow failing your child. The reality is, you are doing the best you can. If you’re showing up for your baby, if you’re trying, if you’re taking things one step at a time — then you are doing a wonderful job.

There’s no ‘perfect’ way to be a mam, and it’s okay to have moments of doubt or frustration. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed as a new mum and still love your baby fiercely. It’s okay to grieve the parts of your old life you miss while embracing this new chapter in whatever way feels right for you.

Take the First Step: Be Kind to Yourself

If no one’s said it to you yet — you’re doing an incredible job... and I'll repeat it because you probably just dismissed that comment.... you are doing an incredible job. And if you’d like a space to talk openly about how hard this season can be, I’m here.

The journey of parenthood can feel isolating at times, but small acts of self-kindness — a deep breath, a quiet moment, a gentle reminder that it’s okay to not have everything together — can help you feel more grounded. You don’t need to have everything figured out right now, and it’s okay to let go of the idea that you need to be ‘perfect’.

If you’re a new mum feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or exhausted — please hear this: you are not alone. Even if it feels like everyone else has it together, most of us are quietly muddling through, too. One day, you’ll look back and realise how strong you really were in these moments you questioned yourself the most.

You don’t have to have it all together, and you’re not alone in feeling this way. If any of this resonated with you and you’d like to reach out, you’re very welcome to get in touch. I'm Joanne, a therapist with a special interest in supporting new mums through the messy, beautiful, and often overwhelming early days of motherhood. I believe in honest conversations, compassionate listening, and reminding women that it’s okay to find it hard sometimes. There’s no pressure — just a safe, understanding space if you need it.

Joanne Flatt Psychotherapeutic Counsellor MNCPS (Acc.)